Struggling with Your Aging Body?
Here’s how to cope with physical challenges
Rita is a 73 year-old retired teacher with a thirst for travel, new experiences, and anything that pushes her physical limits. She and her partner recently took a bucket-list trip where they climbed to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro; they were exhilarated by the challenge and incredible views. She was in the throes of planning their next trip when she got some unfortunate news from her family doctor. The chronic hip pain she had been chalking up to arthritis had worsened and she needed a total hip replacement. The excitement for her trip was quickly dashed and disappointment, anxiety, and anger kicked in. What would this mean for her trip? Would she be able to be her usual active, adventure-fuelled self post-surgery? She still felt youthful and energetic so why was her body letting her down?
Rita is like many of my older adult clients who struggle to cope with a multitude of physical challenges that can emerge in late life. Whether it’s changes in mobility, chronic pain, managing a chronic condition, or adjusting to a new diagnosis—there’s no shortage of physical health problems that can be experienced in late life.
Your health isn’t the only thing that’s disrupted when illness or disability set in. Many emotional, psychological, and social challenges emerge as well. Your routine and sense of normalcy is disrupted, you may have reduced feelings of agency or control, feelings of vulnerability can emerge, and how you see yourself can change. For some, social isolation can be an unfortunate biproduct of illness or disability. With all of these changes, it’s common to feel a wide range of different emotions—sad, discouraged, annoyed, angry, anxious, or ashamed, for example.
If you’re struggling with the physical realities of aging, consider a few important steps to take to cope better with these challenges.
1. Know what you’re dealing with
One of the first things you can do to cope with illness or disability is to arm yourself with knowledge. If you’ve received a diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease, for example, educate yourself on the symptoms, progression, and treatment of the disease with readings or videos. Don’t be afraid to bug your doctor with your questions to help you fully understand your condition, its prognosis, and different ways to manage it. As much as some people might want to put their head in the sand, informing yourself about your condition can help give you a realistic sense of what you’re facing and what tools might be at your disposal to help manage your condition.
2. Identify the story you’re telling yourself
When I engage my clients in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, we’re not only examining what’s happened (e.g., getting heart surgery) but the meaning people assign to their experiences (e.g., I’ll never be able to run again). The story people tell themselves about their experiences greatly influences their emotions and behaviours. Sometimes there are cognitive distortions present in our thinking that lead us to feel emotions more intensely or behave in counterproductive ways. Some examples of cognitive distortions are:
Black-and-white thinking: e.g., unless I’m able to do everything I want to do, life will be joyless
Catastrophizing: e.g., this headache could be a brain tumour
Overgeneralizing: e.g., I never get relief from my pain
Labelling: e.g., using a walker means I’m old
It is helpful to explore your thoughts about the health issues you’re experiencing and try to spot any cognitive distortions that may be present. Doing so can help you start to recognize where your thoughts may be unrealistic or unhelpful. See a complete list of distortions here.
3. Cultivate acceptance
When big life changes occur, such as illness or disability, one of the hardest things to do is to accept our new circumstances. But when we have difficulty accepting our current situation, more emotional and physical suffering occurs. If Rita failed to accept that she needed a hip replacement, she might put off her surgery or do other things that might exacerbate her condition. Since acceptance is often misunderstood, let’s distinguish what it is and isn’t. Acceptance doesn’t mean approval or being ‘ok with’ your current physical health issues. You don’t have to like the fact you need a walker to get around. Second, acceptance does not mean resignation or giving up; accepting a diagnosis of prostate cancer doesn’t mean you’re throwing in the towel. So if acceptance isn’t approval or resignation, what does it mean? I think it’s best described as a willingness to receive or ‘work with’ our present circumstances and the thoughts and emotions that come along with that. When we greet ourselves and our lives with acceptance (instead of fighting, denying or resisting them) we are in a better position to figure out what our next steps are. You don’t have to like your problems but you do need to figure out how to work with them.
4. Your Life is a Pie Chart and Illness is Only One Slice
For some older adults struggling with chronic or acute illness/disability it can start to feel like these problems are taking over your life. Managing your physical health can feel like a full-time job in between appointments with health care providers, keeping up with treatment regimens, getting diagnostic testing done, self-monitoring symptoms of your illness, among many other things. It’s common to feel resentful, frustrated and exhausted by all of it. When you feel this way, it can be helpful to think of your life as a pie chart (and even draw one out). Your pie chart contains all the things you value and consider highly important. My pie chart, for example, includes my family and friends, learning new things, creativity, helping others, and staying physically healthy. What would be in yours? Managing your physical health might be taking up more of the pie chart than you’d like but it's important to remember that it’s not the only slice of the pie. Spending time on other aspects of your life that you value is essential for a deeper sense of satisfaction and fulfillment as you face physical health difficulties.
I’ve only just scratched the surface on coping strategies for illness and disability so here are other resources you may find helpful to explore.
Living Beyond Your Pain by Joanne Dahl & Tobias Lundgren
The Pain Management Workbook by Rachel Zofness
Full Catastrophe Living by John Kabat Zinn.
Don’t forget to ask a psychologist for help if you start to feel like you can’t manage these issues on your own. Therapy can provide more guidance for how to navigate your specific issues with illness or disability. Don’t forget that illness or disability doesn’t have to mean that the fun’s over. Although it can introduce many new challenges and sources of stress, it is still possible to live a life that feels meaningful and rewarding.
This post is for informational purposes only and should not be considered therapeutic advice or a replacement for individual therapy. For more information on locating a psychologist near you, please contact your family doctor, the Ontario Psychological Association, the Canadian Association for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or Psychology Today
