Invisible Struggles of the Holiday Season
For many of us, the end of each year is eagerly anticipated as it brings festive holidays parties, opportunities to reconnect with loved ones, and a chance to slow down (for a few days, anyways). But for others, feelings of grief, loss, sadness, stress, anger, or resentment start to emerge like holes in a Christmas sweater. If you’re someone who struggles during this time of year, you know all too well how hard it can be.
And if you happen to be someone who can enjoy the holidays in pure bliss and contentment, this post is still for you. As you take in the delights of the holiday season, it’s important to recognize the emotional difficulties that others may be experiencing. As we acknowledge experiences outside of our own during the holiday season, we may be better able to connect with others and show up as our most empathic selves.
Let’s first acknowledge how the holidays can be tough socially. For those who’ve lost (or are in the process of losing) loved ones, the holidays have a particular way of triggering grief and profound sadness. There’s reminders of what has been lost and what will never be. Then there are those who have strained, or non-existent, relationships with parents, children or siblings. Holiday get-togethers can be exercises in trying to avoid arguments or serve as reminders of why relationships are strained in the first place. For those who feel socially isolated or lonely, the holidays are yet another reminder of what is missing from their life. If you know someone who falls into any of these above groups, now’s the time to send them a text or a make a quick phone call. A simple “I’m thinking about you” will do.
Outside of relationship challenges, the holidays can be incredibly stressful for those experiencing financial strain or hardship. There is a societal expectation to take consumerism to the next level over the holidays; buying gifts, attending or throwing parties, or shopping on boxing day. You may experience guilt if you’re not giving your kids the ‘best’ gifts or having the largest food spread at your Hannukah party. But as your credit card bill drifts higher and higher, so does your anxiety. As much of the world faces severe economic downturn and record rates of inflation, the financial pressures of the holidays can feel overwhelming. If this is your struggle this year, consider what have been your favourite memories from holidays past. I’m betting that these have been simple moments or experiences (making snow angels, for example) as opposed to pricey gifts.
Let’s not forget about folks who have a complicated relationship to food, alcohol or other substances, and how this time of year is hard for them. December can feel like one giant conveyor belt of food and booze that can make even the most well-balanced person feel like a stuffed turkey. For those with disordered eating habits, this time of year can be a landmine of triggers and guilt. And for people trying to reduce or abstain from alcohol use, they may need to summon even more self-regulation as booze is just about everywhere and over-consumption is normalized. If you’ve got friends in either of these situations, ask how you can support their health over the holidays.
With these invisible struggles in mind, there are a plethora of others that people may be dealing with that we may not be aware of. A critically ill spouse. A looming divorce. Job loss. All the more reason to approach people with an extra layer of kindness at this time of year.
Perhaps it’s time to channel Ebenezer Scrooge from Charles Dickens’ Christmas Carol. Scrooge, after visits from the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, had a renewed sense of compassion for the human condition. And in the clip below, seems filled with glee at the chance to help another person.
This post is for informational purposes only and should not be considered therapeutic advice or a replacement for individual therapy. For more information on locating a psychologist near you, please contact your family doctor, the Ontario Psychological Association, the Canadian Association for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or Psychology Today
